Livin The Dream

There are some real idiots out there folks.  I recently heard a story about this guy who from all accounts was really living the dream (LTD).  Look, I don’t normally comment on a guy’s appearance, but this guy was extremely good looking. Anyway, he was married to this really cool, amazing woman (granted she was kind of short, but we cant all be perfect) and they even had  a small child together.  Everyone thought this couple was perfect for each other and everything appeared to be going great between them. Then all of the sudden it was over. Done. I know what you are asking yourself right now. “Self? Who is this extremely good looking guy mentioned in this story?”

Ironically, that story reminds me of my own story. In fact, it is as if I completely made up the above story to mask the fact that it is really is my story. I guess we will never know.

On the outside my marriage looked pretty solid. People were shocked to learn we were getting a divorce.  To be honest, I was pretty shocked as well. I thought that it would never happen to us.  

The way I see it we only had one problem. Our problem even had a name.  Our problem was Nicole. She always wanted me to spend “quality time” with her and our little girl.  What a real jerk she was to me. She would always say things like, “Shane, your family is more important than the church” and junk like that. If you’re thinking to yourself right now, “Self? Wow, Nicole really hates the church and God. What kind of a good wife would tell her husband to spend less time at the church?” Don’t you worry people. I told her countless times to stop being selfish and to think about the Kingdom of God. I would tell her time and time again that I was sacrificing family time so that people would know and love Jesus more.

I started hating coming home. I loved being at church and church events. My problem was not my family or Nicole, the real issue was me. What a bummer it was to realize that one. At church I was a Super Star. People wanted to be near me and talk with me. When I spoke at events, I was treated like a King. Campers at events would wait in lines to speak with me and some would even ask for my autograph. I always felt kind of weird about signing my autograph on someone’s Bible so I would write Bible verses on it to be really spiritual.

When I returned home, I was just Shane. No one cheered or set off fog machines when I walked through the door. The only autographs I signed at home were on bills. It was a completely different lifestyle. Instead of being served, I needed to serve. Instead of doing all the talking, I needed to listen. Looking back on it, maybe Nicole was right. Maybe I should have said no to the church and its people and yes to my family. If I tell her she was right though, I may never hear the end of it.  No way will I take that chance.

I have found the best way to deal with things is to completely avoid them. Ninety percent of the time this philosophy works every time. The only problem is that everything around you crumbles until you actually are forced to deal with the issue. I’m an expert avoider and as a result I spent nearly two years absent in the lives of two people that mean everything to me.

The grass is always greener on the other side. After I successfully killed my marriage, I decided to live the life I had always wanted. See when people share there “before Jesus” testimonies they always share how much they partied, had sex with random people, and did all these wild and crazy things. When the testimony is done people applaud and tell of how miraculous God is. Inwardly many people in that same room wish they could experience half of the stories that were advertised.

Now was my time to rack up some incredible “before Jesus” stories. The only problem was that these would be “after Jesus” stories, but I wasn’t going to allow myself to get bogged down with details. I partied, partied, and then partied some more. I had everything I could ever want. I lived between L.A. and San Diego, 2 blocks from the Pacific Ocean and 5 blocks from 20 bars/clubs.  It’s an amazing place. In fact, it’s so amazing I still live here. I was living the dream. My only issue was that I wasn’t really happy. I met some amazing people and did some amazing and stupid things, but there was still something missing.

Then I found it! The key to happiness. In-N-Out Burger. OMG, this place is life changing. To do it right order it Animal Style, no onions, extra cheese, add ketchup. Make sure to get the fries Animal Style as well.

To be continued. Maybe.